Guys I had this plan but it didn't work

I never get hungover. This led me to believe that getting highly intoxicated hours before my flight home for Christmas break would be no problem, no sir. I even thought, hey maybe I'll still be kind of drunk, maybe I'll have fun on the plane. No.

I woke up at 9:30 panicked because I hadn't done a whole lot in the way of packing and my flight was at 11:15. I stumbled around a lot partially blind because I had slept with my contacts in and it took me a while to remember this. I called a cab and was out of the room by 10, but found a SCAD bus right outside my door. I forgot about that cab. Uh oh well. Anyway it was one of those school bus ones and was, you know, considerably bumpy. Oftentimes I have a slight issue with motion sickness. It usually doesn't kick in until I'm still after moving for a long time, but this time, oh...this time was different. I threw up in my hand. I have never done that before. I didn't think people actually did that. A gigantic woman who was hitching a ride to the airport via her friend our bus driver was sitting next to me. I tapped her on her shoulder and when she saw me, pale, glassy-eyed, with vomit seeping through my fingers she screamed. Not only did she scream but she jumped away from me and towards the trash can at the front of the bus, which she threw at me. She spent the rest of the ride sitting on the steps at the front of the bus and I got the seat to myself.
I got to the airport, waited in line for security for 30 minutes, and was the last one on the plane. I felt really shitty and called the flight attendant and asked where the bathroom was. She told me and asked me if I was okay. I smiled at her because I was afraid if I opened my mouth to lie to her I would just cover her in vomit. I hung out in the bathroom, reading all the little signs and waiting to throw up, but I never did. I started to feel better and the flight was only 45 minutes so I figured I'd probably be fine until I landed in North Carolina. So I sat back down and about five minutes later there was a rush of heat in my throat and I grabbed that little white baggy in the seat in front of me and threw up BIG TIME. I don't know what I was throwing up. At this point all I had consumed over the last 16 hours was Arbor Mist. I assumed I was throwing up in the bag I was holding, but as it turns out the bag had folded in on itself and I was actually throwing up on myself. And when I mean throwing up on myself, I'm really not exaggerating in the least.
Things I threw up on:
My shoes
My legs
My skirt
My jacket
My shirt
My bra
My hair
My chin
The general mouth area
Luckily the plane was so loud no one heard me and the two guys sitting next to me were sleeping. When I realized I had not thrown up in the bag and all over myself, however, I knew I pretty much had to get help, so I called for the flight attendant again. This super nice guy came up to me. God I felt bad for him.
FLIGHT MAN: Hey, hon! What's u...OH. OH OKAY. HOLD ON HONEY.
I didn't say a word, I just sat there covered in my own vomit, my eye makeup from the night before smeared down my face, looking generally pathetic. Of course once the flight attendant reacted this way, it made the group of people around me turn to stare. And I just stared at them back, because what the fuck. The flight attendants came and helped me clean myself up and gave me ginger ale and offered to help me walk through the airport. Once I landed in Charlotte, I had to buy all new clothes to replace my vomity ones and in turn appeared to look obsessed with the state of North Carolina.

Good trip!