27 February 2009

we're fucked

This giant stingray was caught in Thailand:

771 pounds
7 ft long
7 ft wide
10 ft long tail
What this tells me is that no human on the planet could possibly survive a rumble with this thing. So when glaciers melt and everything floods these guys will pretty much rule the planet. I hope I'm dead by then.
In other news, March 12th is the last day of Winter Quarter 2009. Fucking thank god. This has possibly been my worst quarter ever. Not that everything will magically change during Spring Quarter, but at least all of this bullshit will be behind me (kind of).

23 February 2009


I met him while volunteering at the Humane Society. I started going everyday just to see him so last week I did everyone a favor and adopted him.
He's super chill. His tail is mangled and he has a little piece of one of his ears missing back from his hardknock life days on the streets. He is obviously a lover, not a fighter. One of the best parts about him is that when I play certain Animal Collective songs loudly, he meows back to Avey Tare's whoops. We're soulmates.

21 February 2009

take it to the MAX

I mostly like this because it looks like the 1950s version of people in the future:

17 February 2009

stuff michael jackson is auctioning off


Being sad would be much easier if I weren't intelligent. Intelligence fucks up sadness with other layers, mostly (for me) of guilt and self-loathing. But if I were more stupid, less self aware then I wouldn't have any of the guilt or self-loathing; so maybe easier isn't the right word. Pure would be better. If I were stupid I could be purely, plainly sad. But as it turns out, I cannot be sad without being followed by the guilt-ridden fact that some people are worse off than me. It's nearly impossible for me to not counter any sadness I feel with an immediate reminder of other situations. Dropped my keys on my foot? At least I'm getting an education. Textbook got lost in the mail? At least I've never been raped. Got pulled over for crying so hard I swerved between lanes? At least my mom is awesome. Got fired? At least I have plenty of clean clothes and shoes. Best friends out of the country for a few months? At least I don't have credit card debt. Fainted and got a black eye? At least I'm not a drug addict. A child says I'm ugly? At least I know how to read. Was in love with a boyfriend who didn't love me back and subsequently moved 1,000+ miles away seemingly without warning or any emotion? At least I'm not starving to death.
All of those things have happened to me, nonstop, since the very first day of 2009. They've all been bad, ranging from frustration to nearly crippling despair but its pretty hard to nurse these ranges of terrible along with the sense that they're not that terrible.
It's not hard to hate something you don't understand, and I will be the first to admit that I do not understand myself. I'm not a complete mystery; there are certain things that I do know and I actually like some of them, but there's enough dark matter to scare me into hating myself. It's the easy way out. But with all of that unhappiness and loneliness and guilt there's only so much I can handle at any given time.
My life will get worse than this. That's easy for me to imagine. It will get better than this, too, though that's harder for me to see. I've cried a lot. But I have to get through it, and by myself, no matter how badly I want to drag him into with me. What other choice do I have? It's just another shitty turn my life has suddenly taken and I just have to deal with it. But this is the kind of situation feminists point to. It will make me sadder. It will give me more writing material. And it will be one more item to take off the "At least" list to add to my guilt.

10 February 2009

my mom is so cool

I just received this e-mail from my mom. The hippest mom ever.

Subject: gotta love You Tube!

WILCO & Fleet Foxes!


"Knit on, with confidence and hope through all crises."
Elizabeth Zimmermann 1910-1999

that knitting quote automatically goes on every e-mail she sends out. just in case I forget she's my mom when she sends me e-mails like this.

09 February 2009

recently seen on church signs

tybee island, georgia:

"A lifetime on your knees gives you steady footing."

savannah, georgia:

"Forbidden fruits make the best jams."