grandest literary discovery of our time

Ladies and gentlemen:
Today I found my first ever published piece of writing. It appeared in the November 1998 edition of Harte to Harte, the Alice M. Harte Elementary School Newsletter, page 5, in "Classroom Action" Reports:

STAYING BUSY IN 5TH GRADE
by Elizabeth Dixon
In Mrs. Majeste's 5th grade class, we have been doing many things. We are still doing "Flat Stanley" and, so far, in 1st place is Abby Podratz, in 2nd is a tie between Morgan Ramey and Michael Reiser, and in 3rd is Lauren Woodcheke. Everything will get turned in on October 30th. In Math, we have been studying adding and subtracting whole numbers and decimals. Like most years, the second chapter in math is easier than the first for most people. In English, we are studying singular and plural possessive nouns. In Reading, we are reading stories about animals. In Social Studies, we are busy working on our state projects. And in Science, we are studying sugar and nutrition. On October 30th, we will have a Halloween party with chicken nuggets and nachos, courtesy of Ms. Jan Lore. I hope that everybody is doing good and enjoying the year. Happy Halloween!

Now, I'm biased, but my column was pretty much the best one. Adam's favorite line is "In Reading, we are reading stories about animals," as it really showcases my minimalist style. I personally like my reflection (perhaps subtle metaphor) on math. I wish I knew what the fuck "Flat Stanley" was, though.