meet my bff ralph

I had to study this card today on "Greeters' Etiquette." I never realized saying HI WELCOME TO RALPH LAUREN WE HAVE A LOT OF GREAT SALES TODAY FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING AND I WILL ALSO SCRATCH YOUR BACK AND MAKE YOU SOME TEA WHILE YOU SHOP was so important.
Here is what the front of the Greeters' Etiquette Card says:
G - Greet every customer (individually or as a group)
R - Reinforce the welcome with a smile!
E - Educate the customer with the greeter card (ensure that each customer is handed the greeter card and understand the offer)
E - Educate the customer about our promotions (make sure the customer understands the promotion for the day/week)
T - Talk to the customer about the layout of the store (direct them to the zone that they have asked a question about or may be interested
The best part is the back of the card, with lists of shit I'm supposed to say to people:
Greet with energy and personality and personalize your greeting to make every customer feel welcome!
* Come in! It's a great day to shop!
* Welcome! Isn't it a beautiful day?
* Come in out of the heat/cold! It's cool/warm in here!
* Come in! We've got a lot of great products inside!
* Welcome! Have fun looking around!
* Hello! I see you already have our card - have you used one before? (if customer has current greeter card in hand)
* Hi! I see you're a Ralph Lauren fan! (if customer is wearing product)
* What a beautiful baby/girl/boy! (if customer has child with them)
* Did you have a question? How can I help?
So there is no way I will ever say any of that shit to anyone, ever. I would never say COME IN because they are already IN once I greet them. I can't tell if someone is wearing Ralph Lauren unless their shirt has a giant fucking polo player on it. No one comes in already holding the shit I'm about to shove at them. And I would never compliment someone on their child because I hate children and that child will probably jump up and down on our model bed and be, in general, a little piece of shit. Although I am tempted to literally say "heatslashcold" and "coolslashwarm" or compliment someone on their beautiful 17 year old child. But basically, I am never saying any of that. Ever.